Leathol Pistol

Well I am leaving frys finally and moving on, although i have this sneeking feeling im running away from something, it seems like i always do this,make interesting friendships and just leave them, i did the same thing when i left las vegas, i didnt tell anyone, just picked up and left one day. I have been talking to angie alot more lately, she wants to be with me..another story another time. So next wed. my dad will be here to help me move then its on with the rest of my life, i hope im making the right decision this time. If all else fails, I will at least have finished school and will have a degree.. I just dont know if i can trust angie after what happen last time, even if we have had a year or so to "grow up" its still a risk im hesitant to take, especially with her moving to new york in the fall. Im afraid i wont be able to handle that long term relationship thing, and ill end up saying i cant be with her if she moves to NY, and she will hate me and really resent me for that, and think im a selfish asshole, maybe i am, maybe everything is about me, maybe i have it all backwards, i always thought what i did for the most part was selfless, I have always cared about others more then me, perhaps with angie its different, I guess i will just have to see what happens, and go with it, and not think too much into the future. although i hate living day by day not knowing what will happen next.. BUt then i say to myself..self you could die tomorrow, why make plans, but EVERYONE else does, why do i have to be different. Cant we just be together and tell everyone, and get married and have a family like normal couples do, why does it have to be so freaking complex..??? that leads me to think someone has other motives for keeping me around? Money, lonliness, who knows? maybe she just doesnt want to be alone, and has found out that no matter what i will take her back? Is that really the best thing for either of us? Maybe we both just need to move on and stop living in past relationships and find someone we can both be happy with, who isnt each other.?? HMM wow i cant believe i just thought that. See if you listen to your heart, it will get you in trouble, but then again, life is too short to second guess...FUCK...i keep contradicting myself and im getting no where, this is why i keep running away/toward things.. Committment and most of all reality sucks....Maybe one day i will figure it out and finally be happy.